We just flew to New Orleans where I gave a talk to the New Orleans trial lawyers. I had enough time
traveling to read a couple of books. One of them was by Marlo Thomas Growing up Laughing which is a delightful book about her father Danny Thomas and others involved in comedy. I realize these are corny jokes, but I laughed at them anyway when I read them in the book
- I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
- I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, but by then it was too late.
- A guy falls out of the window of a tall building and lands on the pavement. People run over and say "What happened?' And the guy looks up and says "I don’t know I just got here myself."
- A man buys a parrot that’s constantly using foul language. Finally he puts him in that refrigerator to punish him. After a little while he hears tapping sounds from inside the refrigerator and opens the door. The parrot says "I promise I’ll never ever curse again. But can I ask you a question? What did the chicken do?"
- Your mother knows how to push your buttons because she installed them
- I always wanted to be somebody, but I see now, I should have been more specific
- if a man speaks in a forest and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
- A faithful Catholic is invited to the Vatican to meet the pope. He is in a room with a lot of people waiting as the Pope’s coming down the line. In the middle of the line there is a homeless man with a filthy coat on. When the pope comes to this man, he puts his arms around him, gives him a big hug and whispers to in his ear. The American thinks it must be that he is homeless the pope did that, so he quickly sneaks down the line to the homeless man and buys his coat. He puts it on and rushes back to his place in line waiting. When the Pope gets to him, he reaches out and puts his arms around him, gives him a hug and whispers in his ear: "I thought I told you to get the hell out here."
- Peter Lynde on Hollywood squares was asked: "Do female frogs croak? Paul: "They do if you hold their little heads underwater long enough."
- There are mice running all over the synagogue. "Don’t worry" the Rabbi says, "I’ll take care of it." Sure enough, the next day all the mice are gone. The people ask the Rabbi "How did you get rid of the mice?" " Easy" the Rabbi says "I just Bar Mitzvahed them and everyone knows once you’ve been Bar Mitzvahed, you never come back to the synagogue again."