If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” Margaret Thatcher

  • “I would like to point out that the first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on a woman.” Nancy Astor
  • In 1976 the late Walter Mondale was campaigning as a vice president candidate. In Lewiston Maine a huge crowd came to see him off. As he boarded the plane, he said to the local politician who accompanied him “I’m really flattered to see this large crowd.” The politician replied, “To be perfectly truthful we never had a Boeing 747 land at this airport, and everybody turned out to see if it will make it on takeoff.”

  • Sam Donaldson was a TV personality. He said that he once received a letter when he was cohost of the television program Prime Time that read: “Dear Mr. Donaldson: until today I thought you were nothing more than a loudmouth ignoramus, but after watching you tonight, I discovered you have other despicable qualities as well.”
  • Ross Perot once said, “talk is cheap, words are plentiful, but deeds are precious.”
  • Art Buchwald wrote a humor column. He once wrote about his irritation on the phone to be told the other person is not available. He wrote “The thing that really ticks me off is when a secretary says in a very intimidating voice: ‘May I inquire what you are calling about?’ I keep a list of responses ready here’s my favorite: “Yes your employer left his American Express card on the waterbed of the Silk Pussycat motel the other afternoon and I am calling to find out if he wanted to pick it up or whether we should mail it to him?”
  • I was brought up in Anacortes Washington. It had a large community of people from Yugoslavia. One of them was a delightful woman, Mrs. Barcott, an older woman who lived in Anacortes. She called a plumber to fix a problem. He was able to fix it in 15 minutes but billed her the minimum charge of one hour. When she complained, the plumber explained that it’s the same price for one minute or one hour.  She thought a minute and said him, “well come here to the kitchen table then. We’re going to talk for the next 45 minutes.”
  • William Faulkner once said about Ernest Hemingway’s writings: “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” A good rule for clear and understandable communication.
  • The Amos and Andy radio show was one of the most popular on the air in the United States for many years. One of the characters was Kingfish who was asked in one broadcast by Amos how he happened to have such good judgment? He said, “Well good judgment comes from experience.” Amos said, “Where does experience come from?” KingFish answered, “From bad judgment.”
  • In the book Catch 22 Milo Mindbender brags that he’s making a fortune by buying eggs at three cents each and selling them for two cents each. When asked “How can you make money buying eggs for more than you sell them for?” Milo responds “Volume!”
  • Los Angeles rookie baseball player Elden Campbell be being interviewed and was asked if he had earned a degree at his alma mater Clemson University. He said: “No, but they gave it to me anyway.”
  • Legal scholar William Prosser once said: “A lawyer spends considerable part of their life in doing distasteful things for disagreeable people who must be satisfied against an impossible time limit and with interruptions from other disagreeable people. For their blood sweat and tears they receive in the end a few unkind words along with a protest about the size of the fee.”

Woody Allen said: “After 12 years of Freudian therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes: “No hablo Ingles.”

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